Reminder …

My beautiful Cocker Spaniel of nearly 16 years joined the angels two weeks ago on September 11th. Mia was my soul mate, my best friend, and my angel … so losing her has been very difficult.

The evening of September 12th, I had been mourning the loss of Mia right before putting my two daughters to bed. Teary-eyed, I stood in their bedroom as they got ready to crawl into their beds.

“Mom, you don’t have to cry,” my eight-year-old said.

“Hmmm?” I answered.

“Look,” she responded, picking up a book from nearby. She flipped to the last page in the book and held it open for me to see. “Read this.”

I looked at the quote on the last page of the book. It read, “Don’t be sad that it’s over. Be happy that it happened.” My heart melted. I looked at my eight-year-old and saw her in a new light. I’ve always known she has a very good heart, but this just proved it even more.

“Here,” she said. “Take this book and read it tonight.”

I took the book from her hands and looked at it. I knew the book well, as I had read it to her and her sister quite a few times. It was about a second-grade-classroom’s pet hamster. He eventually dies and the children are sad. The teacher reminds them of this quote. It’s a very cute book.

“Thank you, sweetie,” I replied.

My daughter crawled up into her bed. “You know what that means, Mom?”

“What?” I asked.

“It means don’t be sad that Mia died. Be happy that you had Mia. Be happy she was yours.”

Again, my heart melted. How did I get so lucky as to be blessed with such a sweet little girl? I gave her a big hug.

“You’re right. I am very happy that I had Mia. I just wish I still had her, that’s all,” I said.

And that was that.

Since losing Mia, crying has become a daily event for me. I break down at least once a day. I try to cry alone when no one else is around, but my eight-year-old always seems to know. Again, she surprised me with her incredible thoughtfulness. One evening, I was reading something in the kitchen when she walked by and dropped something onto the magazine I was reading: a note card. I picked it up and read what she had written:

“Be happy that it happened. Don’t cry. Reminder!”

I smiled. All I can say to that is … wow.

Seeing Past the Sadness

Yesterday, on September 11, 2011, my beautiful soul mate and best friend of nearly 16 years joined the angels in heaven. Before she crossed the Rainbow Bridge, however, I spoke to her many times about the beauty of finally being free of her sick body that was no longer working for her. I asked her to send me signs from heaven to let me know she was okay and watching over me. I told her she could send whatever sign she wanted as long as I’d recognize it as being from her. An example I gave her was butterflies. I love butterflies. But, like I said, I told her to send whatever she wanted. I just needed to know that her soul was around me.

Losing my Mia hasn’t been easy. As of right now, it’s only been a little over 24 hours since she left this world. And it’s been the hardest 24 hours I’ve ever endured. Sixteen years is a long time to spend with any soul, be it human or animal. She’s been through everything with me over the years; everything.

In the last 24 hours, I’ve done a lot of crying. I’ve prayed. I’ve talked to Mia, and I’ve hugged her picture so many times. I even put her picture up next to me in the kitchen as I chopped carrots this morning … her favorite veggie treat. A piece of carrot is still lying by her framed picture on the kitchen counter. Grieving is hard; but I’ve been finding ways to see past the sadness and to, instead, see the light. The beautiful light that now envelopes my sweet Mia.

After returning home from the veterinarian’s office yesterday, I knew coming into the house would be torture for me. I walked in, looked around with a broken heart, and then took my other dog, Autumn, outside to play ball. I needed an escape, if only briefly. As I tossed the ball for Autumn, a big, beautiful, black-and-blue butterfly fluttered around me and Autumn. I watched as it fluttered past and around the yard. I just knew it was from Mia and smiled. I continued playing with Autumn when I noticed my husband on the deck watching us. He pointed out yet another butterfly flying around us – an amazing Monarch. I beamed and silently thanked my Mia.

When we finally went inside the house, I quickly got myself and my two children ready. We had tickets to go to the circus. I wasn’t sure how I’d find the energy to make it through such an event, but I was hoping it would help get my mind off my misery. I’ve always loved the circus, so when we first got there, I began having a really good time. But at some point during the show, I was struck by my grief. Tears welled in my eyes. Suddenly, I wasn’t seeing the people on the flying trapeze or the clowns walking around. I was clouded by sadness. This was when a woman sitting next to me began talking with me. We learned that we’re both writers for the same magazine and also members of the same writing organization. And … we’re both very spiritual and love talking about such things as God’s angels and heaven. (We learned this when I told her about a book I’m writing on this topic.) I have to say that I truly believe she and I were supposed to meet yesterday. I say this because not only did she take my mind off of my grieving for a bit, but the things she and I discussed are the things I live for and truly love. God sent me a new friend yesterday, and I thank Him with all my heart and soul. He knew what I needed.

Today, though I am still deep in the grieving process, Mia sent me another sign to help me look past my sadness. I took Autumn outside to play ball again for a few minutes.  I didn’t notice what time it was, but when I stepped outside onto the deck, a big, bright yellow butterfly fluttered overhead. I watched it fly past and then headed down into the yard and began throwing the ball for Autumn. After tossing it a few times, I felt something on my head. I reached up and gently grabbed it and dropped it in the grass. I thought it was a leaf until I saw it move a little. I squatted down and looked to see … a grasshopper! A grasshopper had landed on my head! I laughed out loud and wondered if it was from my Mia. When I got back into the house soon after, I noticed my husband had sent me a text message telling me he loved me. He sent it at 12:20 (on purpose). When I texted him back, it was 12:25. I was only outside for 5-6 minutes with Autumn, so this means Mia sent that butterfly and grasshopper my way at 12:20 … the time she joined the angels. It truly was from her!

Grieving is not easy, but when you’re open to looking for and receiving the signs your loved ones send from heaven, it sheds a beautiful light on their passing. I know Mia is in a better place now – a place where she’s free of pain and suffering. A place that is pure love and peace. And I know that she is around me, because we had a pact … and she’s kept her promise. I love you, Mia. You’re “mine” forever.**

**(I gave her the name Mia when she was a baby, because Mia means “mine.”)